Paolo was in the bathroom, staring at the cracks on the opposite wall as he strained mightily to expel matter.The smell was overpowering, and in the dim afternoon light he fancied that maybe shit was really a hallucinogenic, because he thought he could see a pair of unblinking purple eyes in the shadow of the shower curtain.
What could it be? he thought, eyeing those eyes, wondering. My toilet brush, perhaps, or the purple puff thingy that his mom had bought him last week.
He grunted again and closed his eyes, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he emptied the last contents of his bowels.
Finally Paolo leaned back, exhaled and tried not to inhale. But when he opened his eyes, the purple eyes had multiplied into twenty. Pairs.
"Shit." He thought in a panic. "I'm wearing my torn briefs."
The twenty pairs multiplied into forty, and into eighty. He shook his head to clear it. THey were just eyes. Just eyes. And the light was gone completely. Just those now-hundred purple eyes. And now they were blinking.
There was a strange humming sound now. Then a creature stepped forward into the only shaft of light left.
Paolo stared at it in shock. It was like a giant slug, with a long violently orange beard, in pink shiny pajamas. It left behind a trail of slime. then it opened it's mouth.
" Oh GREAT LORD WE HAVE FOUND YOU IN THIS LIFE! BY YOUR FRAGRANCE, WE HAVE FOUND YOU!" And the other creatures echoed this cry, bowing down in an odd semi circle around his toilet.
"YOU ARE SEATED ON YOUR THRONE! WE WORSHIP YOU!"
"GREAT LORD PAOLO BE MERCIFUL TO YOUR PEOPLE!"
"SAVE US FROM THE BROOM OF FATE! SAVE US FROM OUR SINFUL WAYS!"
Paolo was freaked out and mystified. How the hell did they know his name? And what were they? He rose abruptly.
"What- who are you?" He squeaked in terror.
The thing that had come forward bowed. "We are your chosen people, Lord Paolo."
Paolo took a step forward. His pants fell to his ankles but he didn't notice. "Er, what?"
"You are our Messiah!"
Paolo grinned. "Really?"
"YES OH LORD!" He took a step forward and slipped, catching his foot in his pants. He fell backward, his hands windmilling in the air rather comically, and bashed his head open on the rim of the toilet. His head cracked open, and his aforementioned excrement and some choice juices flooded in as his blood gushed out.
There was complete silence in the toilet afterwards.
Then, a muffled, "Shit." The elder creature muttered and walked away.
"You said it." another grumbled. "It sucks having a God who gets reincarnated into a lower life form every time he dies."