Saturday, July 03, 2004

Love Hurts

Talked to my ex, He Who Must Not Be Named. As Mark McGrath says, " Once again, as predicted, left my broked heart open and he ripped it out. Something so deceiving stopped me from believing, turned me around again"
I told him than when he hugged me i felt like crying and he scoffed it off. Sigh. But he did say he didn't want me crying on his account.
Finally, though, I got the stuff i wanted to say off my chest. I told him i resented how he made me fight with his ex directly, and that i never once believed him when he said he loved me. He just said that he didn't know how to convince me because all we had was a long distance thingy. I just think that he could have tried. I certainly did.
Anyway, it's over, we dumped each other last april and are attempting to be friends. I miss him, yes, but i'm trying to find myself again. I don't know if i love him as intensely as i did before but i feel our relationship settling into one of good friendship. I don't know. Talking to him always leaves me raw.
Was talking to my gay classmate earlier, he was devastated about his crush being with a girl. Earlier i thought it was ridiculous. now i am ashamed. I have always prided myself on my ability to take a step back from any emotional involvement. So that cutting ties would be easier for me. And talking to M., I pitied him for not having that/ He asked me if i believed in fate. I said no. He asked if i believed in destiny. I laughed. When he asked me why, i said implied that we had no choice. I said i believed that what happens to us is a result of the decisions that we make, and we are in control of the whole situation so we shouldn't complain or bewail what happens to us because it is entirely of our own doing. He seemed a little annoyed at me for not confirming his starry-eyed fantasies but i knew better. I do KNOW better.

1. Love hurts. It hurts like hell.
2. Guys are arseholes. Yes they are.
3. Love is for idiots.
4.Cynics are happy people.
5. NEver ever ever try to delude yourself. You'll end up more broken if you do.

1 comment:

gio said...

i never asked you to fight my battles. i never did. thanks a lot.