Tuesday, August 17, 2004

No More

I have decided never to have a love life. It hurts too much. I am going to actively attempt to kill all emotion in this mass of tissue i call a heart and stop feeling. It hurts too much.
Most of the guys i have crushes on end up gay or worse, want to be my friend. Now the problem with my friends is that they end up falling for other girls and telling me all about it. And asking me to actively help them pursue those other girls. Which really sucks, because i am not like the best female friend in the movies that goes all noble and self-sacrificing, and helps them anyway. No, that is not me.
I also tend to fall for the wrong kind of guy, who, aside from being gay, may be all angsty and emotional, the type that lets me say i love you when he feels like it, throws it back in my face when he doesn't, and messes with my head when he isn't sure what he feels like doing.
Then there's the guy who already has a gf but doesn't mind dating me on the side. Well, I mind. Get out of my life. ALL OF YOU. My God. I will not be a whore or a mistress.
Which brings me to the fourth kind of asshole. The kind that doesn't want me as a gf, but as a bedmate. Yes, I am human. But I am not promiscuous, not will I be a convenience for you. All or nothing; if it's too much for you, you may stay out of my life too. I have been a convenience for far too many people for far too long and, frankly, I am sick of it. This goes for the girls who are hitting on me too.
I am sooo tired of hurting emotionally. I am not going to play by anyone else's rules but mine, from now on. And everyone else? Everyone else can go straight to hell.


3 comments:

clang said...

*yakap* (coz i dont know what to say)

gio said...

so you do have a fon. you do have a sim. you just dont have load.but you never even told me. i am under the impression that you dont want to be friends anymore. why is that? but if that is what you want so be it.

leslie said...

Bogged down by cheap sentimentality, properly sweet, annoyingly self-important, and marked by a cheery mediocrity. Entertaining enough, I guess… handy to have around to read in case someone gets mumps and gets bedridden for a week or so.